The key is understanding and determination.
Understand myself and realize what I am after in life. Be determined to achieve it. Simple, obvious, stark is the road to success. Everyone is aware of it, but so few take time off their ‘busy’ lives to reflect what the answers are.
I find myself in a quiet room with a clean piece of paper and a wooden pencil, neat. Rid my mind of all distractions and really think about what I want to achieve out of life. When you are moments away from dying and you find yourself lying in your death bed, which are the memories you would choose to take pride in, and which are the ones you would rather had not happened.
I am surprised how little I have jolted down after what seems like hours of contemplation. I stare down at my feeble list of what I had once imagined to be filled with glamorous ambitions and exciting activities and sigh at my ignorance for the past 19 years.
“I want to be a respectable, loving and healthy guy.”
This straightforward sentence ultimately summarises the person I see myself becoming and everything I see myself achieving.
What follows the set target is the discipline to work towards it. Determination comes easy when you are striving for the things you want in life, it shouldn’t feel tough to work towards what you yearn for.
A wise friend once told me he ‘feels excited to plan for his life.’ I wonder where had that motivation once ignited so fierce in me gone. Now that I have discovered it yet again, I swear I would hold on to it very dear.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
My Epiphany
He is hailed as a visionary, genius, prodigy, an alien even.
"He came from China where he studied no english and in merely one year he topped the class with an A!" as quoted by a 'commoner’, the same fellow claimed that “he was just being himself! Doing everything at the same time!”
He gets everything in life, let me rephrase, everything he wants: friends, family, music, games, opportunities, respect, determination, passion, a meaningful life. He is the epitome of perfection in everyone’s eyes. Parents use him to demoralize their kids when they are not performing academically adequate. Classmates aspire but never know how to be someone like him. Everyone speaks of him like this mystical creature living in a different dimension, which we can only struggle to keep abreast with him, which we are never able to surpass him.
We somehow simply just accept the unequivocal fact that he was extraordinary. As ashamed as I was, I was no different from anyone else, never making the slightest effort in figuring out the reason behind his incredible feats. However on that fateful night I changed my perception of life I was blessed with the fortunate opportunity to have an intelligent conversation with him.
I was overwhelmed by his tenacity in leading a fruitful life. He developed this ‘system’ as he called it from the book: ‘Getting Things Done’ by David Allen. In a nutshell, he organizes his life based on paper, except it’s not like our conventional diary; it is a database of his thoughts. Imagine Dumbledore’s pensive where you store excessive thoughts to be pondered over later, where you revisit when you want to review your mind, where your brain’s most intricate notions and ideologies are formulated. And what’s amazing is that is just the tip of the iceberg.
With all those knowledge safely tucked under the blanket of his virtual document, he accesses them in extreme detail to delineate the ultimate targets he is striving for. After assiduously substantiating his claims of he wants to do with his life with evidences from the database of information, he lives by a series of very systematic set of timetable he laid down after he has done the things. In other words, he writes his scheduled things after he has done them, while retaining the astonishing effect of keeping on track with his target.
My pathetic description of his profound work is doing injustice to the sheer magnitude and potency of the ‘system’. As I stood there getting blown away by how determined he is in milking life for all it’s worth, I was left thinking about the countless apologies I should have said to my parents, friends, people I have met that tried so hard to help me become who I want to be but to no avail because of my obstinate childishness.
I had always pride myself on knowing what I was doing with my life.
Now I take pride in my ability to fall and get back on track.
"He came from China where he studied no english and in merely one year he topped the class with an A!" as quoted by a 'commoner’, the same fellow claimed that “he was just being himself! Doing everything at the same time!”
He gets everything in life, let me rephrase, everything he wants: friends, family, music, games, opportunities, respect, determination, passion, a meaningful life. He is the epitome of perfection in everyone’s eyes. Parents use him to demoralize their kids when they are not performing academically adequate. Classmates aspire but never know how to be someone like him. Everyone speaks of him like this mystical creature living in a different dimension, which we can only struggle to keep abreast with him, which we are never able to surpass him.
We somehow simply just accept the unequivocal fact that he was extraordinary. As ashamed as I was, I was no different from anyone else, never making the slightest effort in figuring out the reason behind his incredible feats. However on that fateful night I changed my perception of life I was blessed with the fortunate opportunity to have an intelligent conversation with him.
I was overwhelmed by his tenacity in leading a fruitful life. He developed this ‘system’ as he called it from the book: ‘Getting Things Done’ by David Allen. In a nutshell, he organizes his life based on paper, except it’s not like our conventional diary; it is a database of his thoughts. Imagine Dumbledore’s pensive where you store excessive thoughts to be pondered over later, where you revisit when you want to review your mind, where your brain’s most intricate notions and ideologies are formulated. And what’s amazing is that is just the tip of the iceberg.
With all those knowledge safely tucked under the blanket of his virtual document, he accesses them in extreme detail to delineate the ultimate targets he is striving for. After assiduously substantiating his claims of he wants to do with his life with evidences from the database of information, he lives by a series of very systematic set of timetable he laid down after he has done the things. In other words, he writes his scheduled things after he has done them, while retaining the astonishing effect of keeping on track with his target.
My pathetic description of his profound work is doing injustice to the sheer magnitude and potency of the ‘system’. As I stood there getting blown away by how determined he is in milking life for all it’s worth, I was left thinking about the countless apologies I should have said to my parents, friends, people I have met that tried so hard to help me become who I want to be but to no avail because of my obstinate childishness.
I had always pride myself on knowing what I was doing with my life.
Now I take pride in my ability to fall and get back on track.
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
早熟
Oh my god. That movie is simply fantastic.
I can now confidently choose the security question asking whats yours favourite movie without having to ponder over what it would be. Though not anymore.
Only Junkai knows what kind of movies I like ;) and this one has definitely crossed the line, in fact its so far beyond the line that the line appears to be a dot to it.
Its not the trailer type of adrenaline rush, not the horny type of hottie chicks, not solely the romantic type of relationship, but the type of movie that makes me reflect, hard.
I was overwhelmed with emotions throughout the whole movie. Smiling at the beginning of their naive teenage romance, frowning when they realise she is pregnant, biting my lips as they struggle to survive. And oh well.. erm a little bit horny as they were about to copulate..
But seriously, it makes me think, about my life, what I really want to do, how I really want to live.
The movie really reflects how important it is to have a successful career. Not for my own pride, not for my own dignity, but as a foundation to entitle true love the right to blossom. No matter how pure, how niave, how innocent the love is, it wouldn't survive in today's harsh society. I don't want to be in a situation where I find my love but I can't support her. If there is one thing I can change, it would be to obliterate this crude reality.
There is this line towards the ending when the guy is being sued on court:
在本案中,被告确实是犯了错.
错的是他年轻,幼稚,冲动.
可是他同时做了一件事,就是他尝试去承担他的责任,尽了他最大的努力去照顾我女儿.
就这件事来说,我应该感到惭愧.
因为他爱我的女儿,爱的比我单纯,爱的比我真.
My god, how noble is that. That kind of love is so innocent and beautiful, but yet they suffered so much for it, almost reached the brink of breakdown. Its so unfair and saddening to fail this beautiful fairytale because of the inability to sustain the family, because being ignorant at a young age. And for that, I will make sure it never happens.
I must say I am not claiming that I will definitely find the perfect girl, in fact there is a good possibility that I never will (not trying to be pessimistic here, just being practical). Im just saying it would really be a pity if it happens and there are so many obstacles along the way that threaten to destroy it.
Of course people say no pain no gain, hais, I have no comments on that :(
Other than that, the film highlights many other aspects of life that people have prevalently overlooked. But as far as how its related to me at the moment, that revelation is certainly the most impactful one that will stay by me for many years to come.
I can now confidently choose the security question asking whats yours favourite movie without having to ponder over what it would be. Though not anymore.
Only Junkai knows what kind of movies I like ;) and this one has definitely crossed the line, in fact its so far beyond the line that the line appears to be a dot to it.
Its not the trailer type of adrenaline rush, not the horny type of hottie chicks, not solely the romantic type of relationship, but the type of movie that makes me reflect, hard.
I was overwhelmed with emotions throughout the whole movie. Smiling at the beginning of their naive teenage romance, frowning when they realise she is pregnant, biting my lips as they struggle to survive. And oh well.. erm a little bit horny as they were about to copulate..
But seriously, it makes me think, about my life, what I really want to do, how I really want to live.
The movie really reflects how important it is to have a successful career. Not for my own pride, not for my own dignity, but as a foundation to entitle true love the right to blossom. No matter how pure, how niave, how innocent the love is, it wouldn't survive in today's harsh society. I don't want to be in a situation where I find my love but I can't support her. If there is one thing I can change, it would be to obliterate this crude reality.
There is this line towards the ending when the guy is being sued on court:
在本案中,被告确实是犯了错.
错的是他年轻,幼稚,冲动.
可是他同时做了一件事,就是他尝试去承担他的责任,尽了他最大的努力去照顾我女儿.
就这件事来说,我应该感到惭愧.
因为他爱我的女儿,爱的比我单纯,爱的比我真.
My god, how noble is that. That kind of love is so innocent and beautiful, but yet they suffered so much for it, almost reached the brink of breakdown. Its so unfair and saddening to fail this beautiful fairytale because of the inability to sustain the family, because being ignorant at a young age. And for that, I will make sure it never happens.
I must say I am not claiming that I will definitely find the perfect girl, in fact there is a good possibility that I never will (not trying to be pessimistic here, just being practical). Im just saying it would really be a pity if it happens and there are so many obstacles along the way that threaten to destroy it.
Of course people say no pain no gain, hais, I have no comments on that :(
Other than that, the film highlights many other aspects of life that people have prevalently overlooked. But as far as how its related to me at the moment, that revelation is certainly the most impactful one that will stay by me for many years to come.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
11 Jan 2009 Sunday
I had a dream this morning, and screw my mother for waking me up :P I wont be blogging about any dream I had but this one was specifically surreal, even to an extend significant.
I dreamt that I got married.
To my dream girl. Lol not that I have one in mind, but im positively sure that girl in my dream is her.
She must have been unwittingly lingering there on the fringe of my mind whom I have always completely deny the fact of her existence :P
Reminds me of the myth.
It wasn't the wedding, neither was naughty part :P But just a some time that I spent with my 'wife'. The exact happenings were nothing big, its the feelings I had and the realization when Im with her. I was totally in love with her. Lol that sounds cheeky, but its so true. Its the feeling of conquering my love life and the sense of fulfillment beyond anything. Simply just looking at her face makes me wanna hold her and kiss her forever, and I did :P
Its the realization that 'oh gosh! Im married! I wont be able to flirt around with girls anymore.' But turning and saw her face while she talks to her friend stunned me yet again. And yes, it was just like in the dramas, when everything else froze while I stared dazzled at her lol. My, she was just so beautiful, so beautiful it shattered my heart, so beautiful it makes me wanna cry. It instantly obliterated all thoughts of every single female on the planet, what more could I ask for?
I made a promise to myself to take care of this delicate creation of god for the rest of my life, never let her be hurt or harm by any means. And I knew I meant it then.
The setting is randomly at my primary school, the part behind the field with the basketball courts. Lots of people were there, and randomly I met Chia Hong. Really happy to see him and chat up with him. I told him I got married and when I saw the astounded expression mingled with jealousy on his face when he saw my wife, sheeshh, I was completely overwhelmed with the sense of satisfaction. Lol sorry Chia Hong XD
I turned yet again and saw her head tilted down at an angle, her expression was one of shyness and demureness tinged with sweetness. Her reflection was utterly breathtaking. Again I asked myself, how luckier could I get?
We were walking down a corridor later then and my right hand found its way round her waist. For the thrid time, I gazed to her face, was immediately lost in her dark round eyes accentuated by her long lashes. Goshh, those are honest eyes, eyes that you can look into and truly trust to be loyal, eyes that you can tell are smiling from the heart. The thought that I was the only one that solely possessed her forever was so immensely overwhelming :P passionately devoured her lips lol.
Its the mindset of being settled, with the only one I would ever commit to, the immeasurable gratitude to everything that had happened, and the tremendous appreciation for life that left me blown away.
What makes it all the more unforgettable is that the feelings are so real that they still come back to me whenever I think about her. Even as I lie in bed with the pillow drenched in last night's drool, the sense of accomplishment and consummation is still felt with her soft lips pressing against mine.
Lol laugh all you like, I know its silly and ridiculous XD I was laughing at myself recalling the whole dream this morning. Lol I know it sounds so fake, you get them only in Korean dramas.
Nonetheless, it striked me hard and left a smile on my face XD
I thought I am never actually exposed to these emotions before, and its certainly uncannily surreal to experience it in a dream XD
Think Im just desperate :P
I had a dream this morning, and screw my mother for waking me up :P I wont be blogging about any dream I had but this one was specifically surreal, even to an extend significant.
I dreamt that I got married.
To my dream girl. Lol not that I have one in mind, but im positively sure that girl in my dream is her.
She must have been unwittingly lingering there on the fringe of my mind whom I have always completely deny the fact of her existence :P
Reminds me of the myth.
It wasn't the wedding, neither was naughty part :P But just a some time that I spent with my 'wife'. The exact happenings were nothing big, its the feelings I had and the realization when Im with her. I was totally in love with her. Lol that sounds cheeky, but its so true. Its the feeling of conquering my love life and the sense of fulfillment beyond anything. Simply just looking at her face makes me wanna hold her and kiss her forever, and I did :P
Its the realization that 'oh gosh! Im married! I wont be able to flirt around with girls anymore.' But turning and saw her face while she talks to her friend stunned me yet again. And yes, it was just like in the dramas, when everything else froze while I stared dazzled at her lol. My, she was just so beautiful, so beautiful it shattered my heart, so beautiful it makes me wanna cry. It instantly obliterated all thoughts of every single female on the planet, what more could I ask for?
I made a promise to myself to take care of this delicate creation of god for the rest of my life, never let her be hurt or harm by any means. And I knew I meant it then.
The setting is randomly at my primary school, the part behind the field with the basketball courts. Lots of people were there, and randomly I met Chia Hong. Really happy to see him and chat up with him. I told him I got married and when I saw the astounded expression mingled with jealousy on his face when he saw my wife, sheeshh, I was completely overwhelmed with the sense of satisfaction. Lol sorry Chia Hong XD
I turned yet again and saw her head tilted down at an angle, her expression was one of shyness and demureness tinged with sweetness. Her reflection was utterly breathtaking. Again I asked myself, how luckier could I get?
We were walking down a corridor later then and my right hand found its way round her waist. For the thrid time, I gazed to her face, was immediately lost in her dark round eyes accentuated by her long lashes. Goshh, those are honest eyes, eyes that you can look into and truly trust to be loyal, eyes that you can tell are smiling from the heart. The thought that I was the only one that solely possessed her forever was so immensely overwhelming :P passionately devoured her lips lol.
Its the mindset of being settled, with the only one I would ever commit to, the immeasurable gratitude to everything that had happened, and the tremendous appreciation for life that left me blown away.
What makes it all the more unforgettable is that the feelings are so real that they still come back to me whenever I think about her. Even as I lie in bed with the pillow drenched in last night's drool, the sense of accomplishment and consummation is still felt with her soft lips pressing against mine.
Lol laugh all you like, I know its silly and ridiculous XD I was laughing at myself recalling the whole dream this morning. Lol I know it sounds so fake, you get them only in Korean dramas.
Nonetheless, it striked me hard and left a smile on my face XD
I thought I am never actually exposed to these emotions before, and its certainly uncannily surreal to experience it in a dream XD
Think Im just desperate :P
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
The closing ceremony 2008
This year's gone in a flash. Ridiculously fast.
I would like to take time to thank my parents, my mother in particular, for taking me out of my own life, letting me see what the society is really like.
Would like to thank my dad, for the most memorable mail that will shine enternally in my inbox.
Would like to thank Junkai, for the best 18th birthday present anyone could receive: a sincere text all the way back from Singapore just 13 minutes past 12.
Would like to thank Kachun, for giving more definition to the word friendship by his actions.
Would like to thank Yanwen, for always believing in me, and a true friend anyone can only dream for.
Would like to thank Renbin, for I always know you will be there for me.
And would like to thank Shiyuan, for establishing this platform for me to keep close in touch with her.
Thank you.
I would like to take time to thank my parents, my mother in particular, for taking me out of my own life, letting me see what the society is really like.
Would like to thank my dad, for the most memorable mail that will shine enternally in my inbox.
Would like to thank Junkai, for the best 18th birthday present anyone could receive: a sincere text all the way back from Singapore just 13 minutes past 12.
Would like to thank Kachun, for giving more definition to the word friendship by his actions.
Would like to thank Yanwen, for always believing in me, and a true friend anyone can only dream for.
Would like to thank Renbin, for I always know you will be there for me.
And would like to thank Shiyuan, for establishing this platform for me to keep close in touch with her.
Thank you.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
The Revelation
I never thought I would be blogging anytime so soon.
I have such a strong feeling of regret and disgust that I had long forgotten since my last life.
Never had I realise I was so selfish, stubborn and arrogant. Since I begin to remember things, I was striving for perfection, especially honing my character, but this setback got to be one significant milestone in my entire life. It turns out that whats standing in front of me is what I have always overlooked. That would be the cause of my downfall, if I had not attend to. I always thought they would have understood, but in reality, everyone needs reassurance. Simple, hardcore fact.
You just got to take time off your busy schedules, sit down and look around. Some things are there all the time, waiting to be discovered, waiting to be corrected, waiting to enlighten the poor soul trapped inside your own desire.
Please do, its worth all the things you have done.
I have such a strong feeling of regret and disgust that I had long forgotten since my last life.
Never had I realise I was so selfish, stubborn and arrogant. Since I begin to remember things, I was striving for perfection, especially honing my character, but this setback got to be one significant milestone in my entire life. It turns out that whats standing in front of me is what I have always overlooked. That would be the cause of my downfall, if I had not attend to. I always thought they would have understood, but in reality, everyone needs reassurance. Simple, hardcore fact.
You just got to take time off your busy schedules, sit down and look around. Some things are there all the time, waiting to be discovered, waiting to be corrected, waiting to enlighten the poor soul trapped inside your own desire.
Please do, its worth all the things you have done.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
无题
Hey people.
since the ending of the exams, i can be often seen lurking around the horny neopets, staring at the dota screen manipulating treant protector to destroy his own world tree, or simply fighting over Thomas train with my brother to entertain him.
my summer holidays just started and i really don't see how i am supposed to spend the next 6 weeks meaningfully. all i can come up with at the moment would be to rent a chair in the library and spend the rest of the days rotting there. :(
anyways, here are some dota screenies Kahhow might enjoy :)
luna is so gay! just farm till helm and butterfly then go satanic and GG.
Omg, i love techies. i started playing him a few weeks before i got banned from bnet. totally owned. think hes gonna be my favourite hero.
no comments. imbaness.
it wasnt till when i randomed and repicked into this guy that i realise how gay he is. his goo is definitely making pudge rot on the spot.
Pretty fella, sadly didnt get the chance to buy rapier.
No comments. imba noob hero.
Even more noob than sa.
This is interesting! been playing pudge war for quite some time. surprisingly i realise i am pretty good at it. i own in like 4/5 games.
my item build will be grapple hook, max bloodseeker claw, max techies mines(spam!!), a few levels, max niax lifesteal then lantern.
pump radius and length hard initially. then go for a little bit of damage. pump full speed when you got lantern.
gayness.
get tiny arm late game. dont throw grenades. hook him over, throw him and hook him again. almost kill instantly. xD
just a brief guide. lots more into it. :D
its really sad that now i cant play dota anymore T.T. cuz there was something wrong with my computer and the frozen throne game turned pirated, that was all right as the game could still work but soon till the next update i couldn't get the new version and was denied from bnet.
Well, these are random. but really .______.
lol. im sure you sympathise with my pudge lifestyle(rotting lifestyle). i will try to make the most out of it. so do have fun in singapore people! 不要生在福中不知福！XD
since the ending of the exams, i can be often seen lurking around the horny neopets, staring at the dota screen manipulating treant protector to destroy his own world tree, or simply fighting over Thomas train with my brother to entertain him.
my summer holidays just started and i really don't see how i am supposed to spend the next 6 weeks meaningfully. all i can come up with at the moment would be to rent a chair in the library and spend the rest of the days rotting there. :(
anyways, here are some dota screenies Kahhow might enjoy :)
luna is so gay! just farm till helm and butterfly then go satanic and GG.
Omg, i love techies. i started playing him a few weeks before i got banned from bnet. totally owned. think hes gonna be my favourite hero.
no comments. imbaness.
it wasnt till when i randomed and repicked into this guy that i realise how gay he is. his goo is definitely making pudge rot on the spot.
Pretty fella, sadly didnt get the chance to buy rapier.
No comments. imba noob hero.
Even more noob than sa.
This is interesting! been playing pudge war for quite some time. surprisingly i realise i am pretty good at it. i own in like 4/5 games.
my item build will be grapple hook, max bloodseeker claw, max techies mines(spam!!), a few levels, max niax lifesteal then lantern.
pump radius and length hard initially. then go for a little bit of damage. pump full speed when you got lantern.
gayness.
get tiny arm late game. dont throw grenades. hook him over, throw him and hook him again. almost kill instantly. xD
just a brief guide. lots more into it. :D
its really sad that now i cant play dota anymore T.T. cuz there was something wrong with my computer and the frozen throne game turned pirated, that was all right as the game could still work but soon till the next update i couldn't get the new version and was denied from bnet.
Well, these are random. but really .______.
lol. im sure you sympathise with my pudge lifestyle(rotting lifestyle). i will try to make the most out of it. so do have fun in singapore people! 不要生在福中不知福！XD
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